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Living With Chronic Illness

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Using Radical Acceptance to Transform Suffering Into Peace with Chronic Illness

Personal Growth, Blog, Living With Chronic Illness · December 17, 2020

Using Radical Acceptance to Transform Suffering Into Peace with Chronic Illness

Losing My Mind to Get a Diagnosis

Living With Chronic Illness, Blog, Mental Health, Personal Growth · December 1, 2020

Losing My Mind to Get a Diagnosis

What Is It Like To Be Diagnosed With A Chronic Illness In Your 20s?

Living With Chronic Illness, Personal Growth · April 9, 2020

What Is It Like To Be Diagnosed With A Chronic Illness In Your 20s?

How I Learned The Hard Way The Truth About Genuine Friendships

Personal Growth · February 4, 2020

How I Learned The Hard Way The Truth About Genuine Friendships

The Astonishing Truth About Finding Love In Your Twenties

Personal Growth · January 7, 2020

The Astonishing Truth About Finding Love In Your Twenties

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functioningtired

For the first time the other day, I really started

For the first time the other day, I really started to hate my body. I had an entire day that I spent in bed. Even taking Moose outside was such a struggle. My neuro lyme symptoms were so bad that I was unable to understand the words someone was speaking to me, felt almost like I was hallucinating, and could barely pick up a cup of water from such bad tremors. ⁣
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It's so frustrating to not be able to do the things you want, let alone the things you NEED. Not being able to go out to buy a can of dog food, to pick up prescriptions, to go on a date, to make a new friend, to just get out of bed and see something other than your bedroom walls. I finally had a moment where I snapped. I wanted to scream and stomp my feet and yell at my own body "why can't you just fucking WORK?!" ⁣
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Sometimes I almost feel like my body is separate from *me*, ya know?⁣
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However I am remembering that the same body that I sometimes feel so limited by is also the one that has carried me to where I am today. The same one that has made it through every day when I thought I couldn't. Every moment where I thought the pain would finally break me, it didn't. My body was stronger than all of that and has kept me going and moving forward even when it has felt absolutely impossible. So even when I hate it, I am grateful. ⁣
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12 weeks ago I sat at my kitchen table and took my first antibiotic, scared out of my mind at what was ahead of me. I’m thankful for everyone who has held my hand while I was convinced I was dying, and I’m proud of myself for pushing through all of the moments that felt impossible🤍 still scared of the future but i know it will be okay
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Image description: girl standing in a bedroom, in between a blue dresser and a bed. her back is to the camera and she is wearing lightwash denim skinny jeans and no top with her face turned back looking slightly at the camera with a closed mouth smile and her arms wrapped around her torso

I’ve been MIA recently, but one of my last posts

I’ve been MIA recently, but one of my last posts was about how we’d found mold in our house and I was so heartbroken at the thought of having to move away from Charlotte. It felt like my life was ending and the walls were all closing in, and it crushes me to hear about how many of you have been in that same place. ⁣
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I’ve been waiting until it was fully official to say anything but I’m elated/relieved/so happy that I’m staying in Charlotte. this is only happening due to my amazing best friend who has decided to move down here too☺️🥰
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I'm not very religious, but I've always been spiritual I guess. I've always believed in signs, and that the universe will put things in your path that are meant to be there. That people will come in and out of your life with a purpose, that you will end up on the path you are supposed to be. When things are really hard, it can be hard to keep faith in this. ⁣
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When I was 8, I got so sick I couldn't leave the house for over a year. Even when I went back to "normal," I was far from it. I needed so many accommodations just to function. It's hard being the kid who is different, especially when everyone around you doesn't yet have the mental capacity to understand something so complicated. ⁣
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Throughout the entire time I was sick, Teresa would call me. I rarely was well enough to actually talk to her, but she still called anyway. ⁣
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When I went back to school, she was still my friend. ⁣
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When I had a severe food allergy she learned what foods were safe for me so that I would always have things to eat and didn’t feel like the odd one out. ⁣
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I think that people come into your life for a reason. I believe that the universe or god or whoever you believe in dropped her into my life at 5 years old because it knew that we were meant to have each other as family💕 (and roomies😜)

Bloom: to flourish or thrive 🌺⁣ ⁣ So I did

Bloom: to flourish or thrive 🌺⁣
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So I did a thing yesterday. I wanted this tattoo as I started lyme treatment to remind me that this is a journey and that I am growing and healing. I chose the amsonia flower because it represents endurance, strength and determination. ⁣
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I know that this journey will be hard. I am scared, anxious, and exhausted at the thought of what is to come, but I know that it gets worse before it gets better. I want to feel better, to feel healthy, to be able to live my life without having it be dominated by my health. And that starts here. ⁣
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Special thanks to Maren at Tattoo Me Charlotte for this🥰 I am in love ⁣
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Image description: girl holding forearm to camera with a tattoo reading “bloom” in script font connected to an amsonia flower drawn in thin lines, located right below elbow crease

For a long time now, I have had a lot of trouble w

For a long time now, I have had a lot of trouble with questioning myself. Questioning what other people think of me, how I'm being perceived, if I'm good enough. I am someone with ~big feelings~ and I wear them on my sleeve. When I am passionate about something, you know it. But at the same time, when I am frustrated or overwhelmed, you 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 it. ⁣⁣
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I've had a lot of people throughout my life who have made me feel ashamed about this. Have told me I am "too much" and to tone it back, to be more agreeable, to go more with the crowd. Every time someone says that to me, I question myself. And I keep questioning myself over and over, thinking that maybe they are right. ⁣⁣
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Yesterday I found my senior book from my organization that I was a part of in college. So many of the messages written made me realize that I don't want to question myself anymore. I don't want to make myself smaller to fit someone else's ideal. ⁣⁣
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There were messages saying that I'm the most authentic person they know. That they admire my hard work, dedication, and passion. A few of the younger girls telling me that they look up to me. ⁣⁣
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I'm always so focused on the people telling me what I'm doing wrong that I didn't take the time to stop and listen to the people telling me what I'm doing right. I will never be able to please everyone. I'm proud of my ~big feelings~ because they make me who I am. I am authentic, and passionate, and have a massive heart. I'm no longer listening to the opinions of people who cannot recognize that. ⁣
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Image description: beige tall grass against a blue sky with the words “you are the only one who gets to decide what you will be remembered for” - taylor swift quoted above and below the photo

I don't even know how to write this. This week has

I don't even know how to write this. This week has been a nightmare. We got the results back from the ERMI test and found out we have mold in our house, which is not surprising given both me and one of my roommates were having increasing health issues. Due to this and just where they are at in their lives my roommates are not going to renew and are most likely moving out of Charlotte. ⠀
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Between covid and being so sick I haven't been able to make any close friends, and living with strangers and moving again while starting treatment for lyme feels impossible and like too much. I can't afford to live by myself and with my health I just shouldn't. ⠀
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This means I'm most likely going to have to leave Charlotte and go back to Pennsylvania. I feel sick even writing that. All I have ever wanted was to get away. To start over and not be surrounded by so many reminders of things that hurt. I started saving almost every penny I ever got starting when I was like 9 years old, and I kept it up until I finally moved out at 18. I used to fantasize about getting on a greyhound and just disappearing. ⠀
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I wanted this 𝙨𝙤 badly. I worked so hard to get here. Charlotte is the only place that has ever felt like home to me, and now I have to go back to a place that feels like a prison. ⠀
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I am just.... devastated. I feel so defeated. I feel like this disease has stolen everything that I care about and I don't know how to keep fighting when it is so hard. ⠀
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Image description: rainbow paint on concrete trail

here is a photo from a few weeks ago when I got my

here is a photo from a few weeks ago when I got my HIDA scan done and thought I was gonna die for a hot second but then I didn’t and even went on to have a mildly productive day ✨ ⠀
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Image description: girl wearing a “standing is my cardio - postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome” shirt laying down with IV in arm and black mask on lower half of face

So I wanted to give an update about my @hidratespa

So I wanted to give an update about my @hidratespark water bottle since a lot of you messaged me asking about it after seeing it on my stories!! If you didn’t see my stories, this bottle tracks your fluid intake and sends you reminders based on the goal you set.⠀
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I bought this bottle because one of my biggest struggles is getting enough fluids, which makes my POTS way worse and therefore makes me feel 💩💩 overall. ⠀
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This bottle has been super helpful in managing my fluid intake and has definitely helped me increase my fluids. Previously I was drinking less than .5L a day and am now getting close to 2L a day. The bottle will glow when you are supposed to drink, but it will also send you reminders to your phone or apple watch. ⠀
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You can track your fluid intake in the app, see what your current target is, and even add friends to do challenges and stuff. I don’t have any friends who use this bottle who I could add, but if any of you get this bottle hmu and we can be hydrated homies ✌🏼💧 ⠀
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Image description: dark grey french bulldog sits on a wooden bench with green grass and small shed in the background behind him and a hidrate spark water bottle sitting on the bench next to him. A sun ray glints across the photo.

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