Personal Growth Archives - Functioning Tired

Hi Hello! I'm Caroline.

Blog
Guest Posting
Privacy Policy

Home
About Me
Blog

Functioning Tired

naps are not only welcomed, but encouraged

Personal Growth

Living With Chronic Illness

Tips to Make Life Easier

Using Radical Acceptance to Transform Suffering Into Peace with Chronic Illness

Personal Growth, Blog, Living With Chronic Illness · December 17, 2020

Using Radical Acceptance to Transform Suffering Into Peace with Chronic Illness

Losing My Mind to Get a Diagnosis

Living With Chronic Illness, Blog, Mental Health, Personal Growth · December 1, 2020

Losing My Mind to Get a Diagnosis

What Is It Like To Be Diagnosed With A Chronic Illness In Your 20s?

Living With Chronic Illness, Personal Growth · April 9, 2020

What Is It Like To Be Diagnosed With A Chronic Illness In Your 20s?

How I Learned The Hard Way The Truth About Genuine Friendships

Personal Growth · February 4, 2020

How I Learned The Hard Way The Truth About Genuine Friendships

The Astonishing Truth About Finding Love In Your Twenties

Personal Growth · January 7, 2020

The Astonishing Truth About Finding Love In Your Twenties

Latest on Instagram

functioningtired

👩🏼‍⚕️🧠 health update 🩺🏥 ⁣
⁣
my cognitive symptoms and anxiety have been SO bad lately. i’m struggling to come up with full thoughts, to stop this constant buzzing feeling in my brain and to get through the day without feeling like the air is being sucked from my lungs from anxiety. I miss seeing what all of you are up to and interacting with this community, but honesty it’s just felt like such a fucking struggle to do the smallest things. ⁣
⁣
The plan is for me to have a powerline placed in my chest at the end of the month so that I can start recieving IV antibiotics. IV antibiotics can sometimes be more helpful for treating chronic lyme patients with severe neurological symptoms as it is easier for them to cross the blood-brain barrier. I’m really hopeful that this will help give me my brain back and I’m trusting that the universe is sending me on the right path to healing 🙏🏻💚⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
image description: selfie of girl with ash blonde hair and blue plaid shirt smiling with closed mouth, wearing a small turquoise necklace, with a brick wall and trees in background

you made me hate this city⁣ ⁣ and i don't talk

you made me hate this city⁣
⁣
and i don't talk shit about you on the internet⁣
⁣
never told anyone anything bad⁣
⁣
'cause that shit's embarrassing, you were my everything ⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
image description: girl wearing green dress standing on wooden platform holding onto metal railing with back to camera and looking sideways with trees in background

Few days late but happy dog day to the loml 🥺🥰 don’t know where i would be without your lil snuggles and your goofiness to always make me laugh 😚🐶

When i first started my treatment my doctor wanted

When i first started my treatment my doctor wanted me to keep track of my “blue sky days.” Days where the fog lifts and I feel actively *good*, instead of my baseline symptoms (feeling shitty but functional) or worse than that (feeling halfway to death). ⁣
⁣
Days where it feels like things are getting better. ⁣
⁣
There are a lot of dark days in this journey, and in the past 6 months i wondered a few times if i would ever see a blue sky day. So many people told me it got worse before it got better, changes would take time, etc. but it was still hard not to let doubts creep in. I hadn’t had a single day of clear blue skies since I started my treatment. Would I feel like this, ever day, forever? ⁣
⁣
It took 6 months of antibiotics, herbals, removing an organ, more pills than I’d ever like to count, and a shit ton of zofran- and last week I had not only my first blue sky day but also my second 🦋🏞☀️🌈 ⁣
⁣
The warmth of the sun after cloudy days is such a beautiful feeling. I’m looking forward to when my blue sky days outnumber the cloudy ones😌💙⁣
⁣
“The sky and the sun are always there. It's the clouds that come and go” - Rachel Joyce⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
Image description: selfie of girl with blonde hair in high half ponytail, closed mouth smiling with eyes closed and cheek pressed against shoulder

🚨 TW: suicide, suicidal ideation⁣ ⁣ I poste

🚨 TW: suicide, suicidal ideation⁣
⁣
I posted the other day that I was proud of myself for trying. One of the things that I’m most proud of, however, is being here at all. ⁣
⁣
The first time I remember almost taking my own life, I was 12 years old. I can't really remember a time that the thoughts weren't there in some way. They never stayed gone for long. I've had more close calls than I'd like to think about. ⁣
⁣
There wasn’t a time in the last five years where I went more than a month without suicidal ideations. In the past two years I don't think I had a time where I went more than two weeks. ⁣
⁣
I felt like a prisoner in my own head. I heard people talk about being depressed, but I didn't feel depressed. I felt like I was on this nonstop rollercoaster that I just wanted to get the fuck off of. No matter how badly I tried, I couldn’t make it stop. I felt like something was just 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜 with me and that it was never going to stop. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it because I felt like no one could help me. ⁣
⁣
I went to a new therapy intake and she asked me about suicidal ideations. When I stopped to think, I realized it's been almost 8 months since I had those thoughts. Since I've begun treating my lyme and my LLMD has helped balance my mood, they've just..... stopped. ⁣
⁣
I still have bad days. I still have fucking awful days, as many of you see. But now that's all they are. Bad days. ⁣
⁣
I don't really have the words to explain what a relief that is😌
⁣
➡️ One study showed that 41% of children who had been diagnosed with Lyme disease had suicidal thoughts and 11% had made suicidal gestures. ⁣
⁣
➡️ Dr. Bransfield, an expert in lyme related psychiatric issues, estimates that 1,200 suicides & 414,000 people w/ suicidal ideations in the US per year are from lyme & co. ⁣
⁣
I'm proud to have made it to the day where I can look at someone and tell them honestly that I don't have those thoughts. I’m grateful I found help. I'm incredibly thankful for all of the people who have saved my life over the years, many unknowingly. If you are lost in the dark, I'm sending you so much love and hope that you find the strength to keep searching for the light🤍

Today I’m proud of myself for trying. I’m prou

Today I’m proud of myself for trying. I’m proud of myself for taking care of myself and my health even when I don’t want to and it would be easier not to. And I’m SO proud of all of you who I know are out there doing the same thing every day💚💚💚 #genlymeday⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
Photo description: girl sitting on couch cross legged, wearing pink tye dye sweatpants and a cropped mauve colored top, holding up a printed paper sign that says “today i am proud of…..” with the word “trying” written on a blank line

This has been the loneliest year of my life, and t

This has been the loneliest year of my life, and that’s okay. I’ve spent my whole life trying to avoid being alone. I didn’t grow up with a stable support system and so I tried to fill that hole through other places in my life. I’ve cycled through friend groups and relationships in a desperate attempt to never be left alone with my own thoughts for too long. I made sure to never have too much down time. If I filled my time with projects and people and events, I rarely had to stop and think about all the feelings I was running from. Truthfully, I was terrified of what that looked like. I was scared of being forced to face my pain alone. I didn’t think that I could handle it. ⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
Humans are wired for connection. We’re not meant to be alone. I found myself forced into a position last year where I had no choice: I was by myself in a new city, mid global pandemic, living in toxic mold and too sick to stand up many days. Losing my fucking mind from the mold getting to my brain and undiagnosed PTSD. ⁣
⁣
There were a lot of moments where I really thought I couldn’t do it, moments that I thought would break me. Laying curled on the floor convinced the loneliness would eat me alive. Wanting nothing else in the world but human connection, someone to hug me and remind me for even one moment that I would not be alone forever. Wanting it so badly it was a physical pain in my chest that made it hurt to breathe, hurt to be alive. ⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
I was finally forced to face my biggest fear, and I survived. I connected with parts of myself that I hid from for so long. I stopped avoiding my feelings. I let myself be miserable and lonely and I was okay. I found meaning in small moments and slowed down for the first time in my life. I learned that stillness can bring joy, and peace, and healing. Sometimes, we are much stronger than we think🤍⁣⁣
⁣⁣
⁣⁣
⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Image description: girl in jeans, multicolored striped top, and black jacket with arms thrown out to side and closed mouth smile standing in yard with trees and grass in background.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
photo dump of various random photos and videos follow.

Load More... Follow on Instagram

Privacy Policy
Get In Touch!
Site Disclosure

Copyright © 2021 Functioning Tired · Theme by 17th Avenue