Warning: This post contains spoilers for last night’s premiere of Peter Weber’s season of The Bachelor. If you aren’t already spoiled from Hannah’s season of the Bachelorette, congrats on living under a rock and I’m not sure why you clicked this post in the first place. If you need an episode recap, click here.
So last night I watched the season premiere of Peter’s season of the Bachelor, and it has me all up in my feelings.
Watching a Hannah B and Peter reunion was too much for my empath heart to bear.
Now listen, you might hate the Bachelor(ette), or you might hate Hannah B, or whatever. But at least just hear me out on what I’m about to say.
This post really has nothing to do with the Bachelor. It has to do with how we approach and deal with love in our 20’s.
I’m not writing this because I’m a “Hannah B Stan” (even though maybe I secretly am).
I had a different post planned for today. A post that went completely out the window after watching Peter and Hannah at the end of that episode.
I’ll tell you why: watching that conversation, I felt genuine heartache for both of them.
I wanted to scream, cry, and stomp my feet on the ground in a full on hysterical 4 year old temper tantrum.
They both wanted to be together after Hannah’s dream life fell apart. They both were still brokenhearted over each other!
So why weren’t they?
This is what truly kept me up last night and it’s not just because I think Hannah and Peter would make beautiful babies.
It’s because so many of us looking for love in our 20’s have found ourselves in the middle of that distinct heartbreak.
Wishing we could go back and do things a little differently to end up with the person we want.
The thing is, we can’t go back and change the past. All we have to work with is right now and the future. So why can’t that be enough?
Why do we keep sabotaging ourselves when it comes to finding love?
I know that obviously this is edited and there’s behind the scenes stuff and blah blah blah…. But as I said before, this really hit me because it was so genuinely real.
This is the reality of finding love in your 20’s.
It is messy, and sad, and makes you want to smack your head against the wall repeatedly. This could be me, my cousin, or my best friend in this situation.
With that being said, there are a few things that really struck me about Hannah and Peter’s conversation.
Here is the big one:
- They both admitted they still had feelings for each other and wanted to reconnect after things with her and Jed went south
I understand they both had their reasons for not reaching out, but at the end of the day these reasons are just limits we place on ourselves.
Peter didn’t reach out to Hannah because his pride told him he couldn’t be third pick. Hannah didn’t reach out to Peter because she thought he wanted her to leave him alone.
At the end of the day, both would have been happy to hear from each other.
Of course things like this come up in hindsight, by why don’t we think of them more in the moment? Instead of worrying about being third pick and what others would think or want, why not focus more on what we truly want and what will make us happy?
But I respect myself too much to be last choice!
The counter argument to this is, of course, that being “third pick” means you have no respect for yourself. But does it really?
This argument rests on the assumption that humans are perfect, that we always make the right choices.
The reality is that this could not be further from the truth.
We all have a tendency to self-sabotage, to run from situations that may make us uncomfortable (even if they may be what is best for our personal growth).
This is why people in abusive relationships tend to keep ending up in abusive relationships. It is hard to unlearn bad behavior and to accept healthy relationships.
Maybe you think that this situation – i.e. dating 20 different people at once with the intent to marry one – is so unrealistic that this whole point I am trying to make would never even apply to you.
In the world of modern technology, however, the Bachelor(ette) has similar parallels to the frustrations of trying to find love in your 20’s.
Are they talking to other people? Is this even serious? Am I the last option?
In no way do I ever want this to come off as a suggestion that you lose respect for yourself when it comes to a relationship.
There is a huge difference between someone who continuously drags your feelings through the mud and never tries to achieve any personal growth and someone who is still figuring their shit out.
Figuring out your boundaries is essential in any relationship.
Hannah told Peter how she chose Jed because he was the easy option, he was comfortable because it seemed familiar.
Her ability to recognize this already shows personal growth.
None of us are perfect. So many of us are covered in scars that not only no one can see, but that maybe we don’t even recognize ourselves yet.
Your 20’s are a whirlwind of self-discovery, growth, and reflection.
Does that make you any less deserving of love and happiness? Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.
What Comes Next?
For Hannah and Peter…. who knows.
I’m an absolute firm believer that it is never too late if you really want something to work (and both parties are willing to make it happen).
Consider yourself lucky that your relationship confusion and personal discovery wasn’t aired on National Television and exploited by producers to boost ratings.
Even if they don’t end up together, love is out there somewhere.
For the rest of us…… let this be a lesson.
If you want to find love in your 20’s, then stop sabotaging your love and happiness.
Being a work in progress does not make you any less deserving of love. Making mistakes does not make you any less deserving of love.
If someone makes you truly happy, tell them.
Don’t worry about what your pride, your friends, your family, or your coworkers say. They are not in charge of your happiness.
Work on fixing your past issues so they don’t become your future mistakes. Talk to a therapist.
Relationships where you both can grow together and encourage one another are so beautiful.
Don’t hold yourself back because you are afraid of what might happen.
The truth is, maybe it won’t work out. If you don’t try, you guarantee that.
My bottom line is this:
Does this person make you happy? Do they make you feel loved, respected, and supported?
Do you feel as though your life is brighter with them in it? Is this person willing to learn and grow from their mistakes?
If the answer to those questions is yes, then maybe it’s time to forget about all of these external factors and stop standing in our own way.
If you keep giving up on someone because they aren’t perfect, you’re going to be searching for love forever.
Everyone has their flaws, and everyone has ways that they can grow, especially in our twenties.
All I’m suggesting here is tuning out all of those external forces and following your heart, as cheesy as it sounds.
Sometimes the simplest advice is the most insightful.
So….. what do you think?
- Do we give up too easily not only on love, but also ourselves?
- Can you relate to Hannah and Peter’s heartbreak?
- Have you ever just followed your heart and went for it?